Cornball But Funny

Published: April 8, 2022
  1. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
  2. What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
  3. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  4. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
  5. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
  6. I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
  7. What's the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
  8. Got a PS5 for my little brother. Best trade I've ever made!
  9. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!
  10. A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
  11. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.
  12. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette.
  13. How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.
  14. What's E.T. short for? Because he's got little legs.
  15. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.
  16. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.  One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!"
  17. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
  18. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
  19. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  20. Exaggerations have become an epidemic. They went up by a million percent last year.
  21. And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
  22. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! Wait…
Jacob Teitelbaum, MD

is one of the world's leading integrative medical authorities on fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. He is the lead author of eight research studies on their effective treatments, and has published numerous health & wellness books, including the bestseller on fibromyalgia From Fatigued to Fantastic! and The Fatigue and Fibromyalgia Solution. His newest book (June 10, 2024) is You Can Heal From Long COVID. Dr. Teitelbaum is one of the most frequently quoted fibromyalgia experts in the world and appears often as a guest on news and talk shows nationwide including Good Morning America, The Dr. Oz Show, Oprah & Friends, CNN, and Fox News Health.

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